Crank 2: High Voltage

*****
Three Stars out of Five

I've been waiting to see "Crank 2" for a while now, since I loved the first one for it's ridiculousness and it's drive to be one of the most offensive mainstream movies around. I didn't get a chance to see "Crank 2" in theaters, so I was anxious to watch it the moment it was released on Blu-Ray yesterday. The end result of the new(ish) Neveldine/Taylor flick? It's good, just not as good as the original. I think the biggest reason the sequel doesn't have the impact of the first one was this time I knew just what to expect, whereas Crank was a pleasant surprise.

The sequel opens literally moments after the first movie ends. Chev Chelios (Jason Statham, the closest thing we've got to a modern-day action star) has just fallen over 10,000 feet from a helicopter, and he lands on top of a car, bounces off of it, and settles on the concrete. Surprisingly, he doesn't die (there is a moment later on in the film where the directors poke fun at themselves for this... improbable incident). He is shovelled up by some Triad gang members and is taken to a building where his heart is taken out of his body. Instead of letting him die, the Triad members replace his heart with a prosthetic heart that needs to be charged quite often. They want to harvest his organs, so they want to keep him alaive for as long as possible. The first organ they want to harvest? His massive cock. When Chev hears this, he escapes and sets out to find the people responsible for stealing his unbreakable heart.

That's really it for the premise of the movie, but the flick survives on it's simplicity. All Neveldine/Taylor want is to have the barest of plots so they can do what they want in the framework of the universe they've created. And they do. The best way to describe the "Crank" movies is by saying they're cartoons for immature adults. Like Wyle E. Coyote, Chev Chelios can fall from a helicopter, get electrocuted, tazed, poisoned, shot at and catch fire, but yet he somehow he survives to make it to his next unbelievable encounter. It doesn't matter. If you want realism, do not watch this, because it's about as real as "Finding Nemo." If you want to watch something that makes absolutely zero sense outside of the context of the movie itself, yet provides ridiculous amounts of gore, black comedy, and action, then watch the fuck out of this movie. "Crank 2" is not high art, but it doesn't aspire to be, and that's why it succeeds.

Neveldine/Taylor have been unfairly lumped into the category of "Post-Tarantino" filmmakers. That really couldn't be further from the truth, as their style doesn't remotely have anything in common with Tarantino's, aside from said moments of black comedy. Tarantino regularly builds his scenes up into a crescendo, and then punctuates the climax of the scenes with violence, or something else surprising. Neveldine/Taylor aren't concerned with building anything up; fuck suspense, fuck characterization, fuck realism. All these guys want to do is have fun, and it is fun - for them, and for the audience. There's a scene very early on in the film where Chev gets into a fire-fight with some bad guys, and at the end, the only ones who remain are him and a portly Mexican. What does Chev do with his shotgun? Why, he dips the barrel into some oil nearby (there's always buckets of oil nearby...), and shoves the barrel up this guys ass in order to get the information he covets. And no, the information Chev is searching for is not if the man's prostate is swollen. If that doesn't sound like your cup of tea, don't watch this. There's another shoot-out at a strip club and a stripper takes two bullets to her fake breasts. Silicone starts leaking out of them as she screams. It's stupid, but it answers the question that I'm sure several twenty-something guys have asked themselves: "What happens when implants get shot?"

"Crank 2" is essentially the world on the terms of the filmmakers; physics don't neccessarily apply, even if they are referenced from time to time. The same goes for all logic - there are moments of realism and logic that seep through the cracks of the flick; the electronic heart in Chev actually DOES exist, it just doesn't actually work the way it's portrayed in the move. Sorry, guys, but having one of these hearts doesn't mean you should go out and get an electronic dog collar and shock yourself because you want to get a quick burst of energy, and you don't want to spend all that money on cocaine. Neveldine/Taylor take the real world and everything in it, then simply tweak it so it fits their mold of chaos.

Aside from the craziness, Neveldine/Taylor really succeed with their visuals. Their use of subtitles for Bai Ling - the Chinese actress who can barely be understood - are a highlight: they let us actually understand her, and it is also a parody of Bai Ling herself, as she has been critiqued for being as incomprehensible as Keith Richards. They also portray the chaos going on incredibly well; there is some shaky-cam, but it fits here and it never disrupts the viewer or makes it difficult to discern what's going on. Their angles are also cool and add to the high-pitched energy permeating throughout the movie.

Is "Crank 2" good? Fuck yeah, it is. It's just not as good as "Crank," so it is a mild disappointment. I'm actually ready to go and watch it again, this time with my expectations in check. It is probably more offensive than the first one, definitely more gory, it's just not quite as funny this time around. The sex scene at the horsetrack is amazingly hysterical, and there are several other moments that made me laugh out loud. The ending this time around is equally as ambiguous/unrealistic as the first one, so I am anxiously awaiting news of a "Crank 3," and am wondering just what the fuck they'll do to Chelios and Co. next time around.

P.S. - There's also a hysterical running joke throughout the movie where almost everyone says, "Fuck you, Chelios." Want a fun drinking game? Take a shot every time you hear it. You'll be pissed like 30 minutes in.