Best Basketball Movies of All-Time

I'm in a sporting slump. The NBA season is over, I'm getting past Lebron James' defection to the Miami Heat, the World Cup ended unceremoniously, and the NFL season is still two months away. Sure, there's always MLB and MLS to follow, but I would rather drill a hole into my own head than watch either of those. Baseball is about as much fun to watch as "Two Girls and One Cup", and MLS has less excitement in it than the Rodney Dangerfield-classic Ladybugs. That doesn't leave me with much to occupy my time these days, and I thought about counting down my favorite basketball games of all-time, but the wound Lebron tore open is still too raw (his 48-point demolition of the Detroit Pistons in '07 would have certainly been on the list). That, and I'm too lazy to track down two of the games I want to watch - those games are Detroit-LA Game 1 from 2004, and MJ's 55-game eruption at MSG when he was still wearing number 45. If you're at all curious, the other three games I would include are the Bulls-Suns Game 6 from the '93 Finals, Cavs-Pistons ECF Game 5 from '07, and the Sixers-Lakers Game 1 from 2000. Best games ever? Nope, not really, but they were some of my favorites ever, and I'll never forget what I was doing when I watched them for the first time.

Instead, I'm opting to choose my five favorite basketball movies ever, and one extremely honorable mention. I'll give a rundown of why I love these movies, and why they are great examples of the sports movie. They're all pretty cheesy, in the end, and are awfully formulaic. They do, however, hold a place in my heart because they are fun. So, without further ado, let's get this show on the road.

Honorable Mention: Space Jam (1996)

You all remember this gem, don't you? How is it possible to not? It's a movie that features MJ, the GOAT, playing alongside the Looney Tunes in an effort to save them from a sleazy cartoon monster voiced by Danny DeVito. It was a hit when it was released - I saw it onThanksgiving in '96, and owned it on video - proving that, at the time, Jordan was a God. He was able to star in a crappy movie with cartoon characters and make it a hit. Everything about the movie is bad - R. Kelly's song "I Believe I Can Fly" and Quad City DJ's "Space Jam" from the soundtrack are wretched - except for the highlight reel from Jordan's career during the opening credits, yet the movie has a certain lovable quality that I can't ignore. Maybe it's Charles Barkley, the Round Mound of Rebound, losing his skills and promising God that, if he gets them back, he'll never date Madonna again. Maybe it's the alien who steals Barkley's game looking like a slightly fatter, more orange version of Barkley. Maybe it's the hilarity of Shawn Bradley being considered an elite player, which is unbelievable even in a world in which the Looney Tunes exist. Or, maybe it's Bill Fucking Murray showing up to save the day. I don't know, and frankly, I don't give a shit. All I know is that this movie is a testament to Jordan's unparalleled skills as a basketball player and businessman (although it is clear that he cannot act out of a paper sack), as the most marketable athlete to ever live. And, in spite of all of the film's shortcomings - of which you could fill a book with - there is a nice little message at the end that did a good job of summing up Jordan's love for the game: when you love something so much - as MJ does basketball - then you just can't keep away from it. Incidentally, that same message was conveyed years later in the homo-erotic drama Brokeback Mountain. I don't know what to make of that, but all I know is this, Space Jam: I can't quit you.

Number 5: White Men Can't Jump (1992)

An oft-forgotten gem from the early 90's, White Men Can't Jump looked and acted like an 80's buddy flick. Just look at the bright, faux-neon-clad Wesley Snipes in the poster. This is, in and of itself, surprising, considering it was made around the same time Rodney King got the living shit smashed out of him by racist cops, and the flick deals with race issues in LA, albeit comically, yet it was still a hot-button issue at the time. There are some genuinely cool moments of street hoops to be found here, and nothing tops Woody Harrelson's white-as-shit jumper and being dogged by Snipes throughout the movie's run time for being like Greg Brady. In between the hoop scenes, there is really some good banter between the two leads, and the outfits... well, just look at that tank top and hat Wesley's wearing in that poster again. It's a criminally underrated flick that, I contend, gave birth to the saucy, sassy, fast-talking Latina that Rosie Perez has made a career off of, and deserves more attention than it ever receives. Woody and Wesley did a great job of learning the sport of basketball, and they look pretty damn convincing hoopin' it up on the sun-baked courts. The ending is also great; in spite of the title, Woody proves that white men can indeed jump.

Number 4: He Got Game (1998)

If you know who Spike Lee is, then you know he loves basketball. Therefore, it's really no surprise that he would eventually make a basketball movie with Denzel Washington, whom he also loves. The real surprise comes from Ray Allen, the real-life Hall of Famer who portrays Jesus Shuttlesworth as a high school phenom who could make the jump to the pros if he wanted to. Underneath all of the basketball, there is a story there about redemption - Denzel plays Ray-Ray's imprisoned dad who is trying to win back his son's affection after pushing his son so hard to be great, and accidentally killing his mother - but it all takes a backseat to the top-notch basketball sequences that Denzel and Ray both shine in. Early on, there's a scene which shows Jesus shooting jumper after beautiful jumper that hit nothing but net every time. Lee's love of the game is easy to see whenever there is a game played, but he has a few missteps when trying to show the temptation young Jesus is experiencing when he visits random colleges. There are several sex scenes in the flick, and all of them fall flat. I'm no prude, but seeing Ray Allen fuck a chick on a ferris wheel is something I never thought I'd see, nor did I ever expect to see him have a threesome with two huge-breasted white women. It's moments like these that Lee's detractors get their ammunition: he focuses on race a bit too much from time to time, and while I understand the importance of it, he sometimes relays the information in a fashion that is just a bit too hamfisted for my liking. I get that race issues are important, but he doesn't have to beat us white folk over the head with a hammer so that we get it. Yet nothing detracts from the awesome sequences of ball played, and the soundtrack from Public Enemy is spot-on.

Number 3: Above the Rim (1994)

It's a pretty stupid fucking movie, I know, but I just can't not love it. The opening sequence lets you know you're in for a stupid ride from the get-go: two stud basketball players on a roof-top court without a fence (!?!) seeing who can hit a higher point on the backboard. One of them inexplicably jumps too far with too much power and in the process breaks the backboard and falls off the fucking roof to his death. The survivor, Shep (played by Leon, the star of the best bobsledding movie ever made - tough title to grab, by the way - Cool Runnings) can't handle the guilt and gives up on basketball in order to be a janitor. Years pass, and the school Shep works at has a promising young baller named Kyle (Duane Martin) playing there. The problem is, Kyle is like Kobe Bryant circa 2005 - he doesn't give a shit about his teammates, and thinks that he can carry a team to victory on his own (basketball movie no-no). The lure of the hood, fame, and notoriety leads him underneath local gangster Birdie's wing (see what I did there?). Birdie (Tupac "Am I Dead or What?" Shakur) is getting together a basketball tournament and recruits Kyle to lead his team. Shep reaches out to Kyle, but is shunned. Guess what happens? Kyle learns he was wrong, and he and Shep take down Birdie's thugs in the tournament finals in amazing fashion. The film has more cliches than I can count, and the acting varies from tolerable to abysmal, but there are some good basketball scenes, and the flick doesn't try to be anything more than what it is. The ending is pretty good, too, as Kyle becomes Kobe Bryant circa 2010 - a natural, talented leader who vocally commands his team and appreciates them. My only complaint? We don't get to see Kyle's "Kobe Bryant Rapes a Chick" character arc. Oh well, I'll always hold out hope that we'll get a sequel entitled "Above the Rimjob: Kyle Rapes a Chick's Butthole."

Number 2: Hoosiers (1986)

What? Hoosiers isn't number one? How can that be? The answer is simple: it's because, no matter how great this movie is, it pales in comparison to the number one movie (I'm not spoiling it yet). What we get here is rare in any sports flick: one in which the characters are believable, sympathetic, and interesting. It's the story of a disgraced coach (Gene Hackman) who gets a second chance by coaching a local team. Through standard movie-coach cliches like hard-nosed, no-nonsense coaching, yet deep-down affection for his players, he turns them into contenders for the State title! It's a great movie about teamwork and second chances, and every kid who loves basketball has no doubt seen this movie numerous times. If you haven't ever seen this movie before, what the hell are you waiting for? It's excellent in almost every way, and even though the basketball scenes lack the oomph of those from He Got Game or even White Men Can't Jump, the story elevates it above those movies.

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Number 1: Teen Wolf (1985)

A lot of great and important things happened in 1985, like New Coke being released and failing miserably, Gorbachev becoming the last president of the USSR, the original Nintendo be released, "We Are the World" being recorded... Yep, all of those moments occurred in the calender year of 1985, but all of them are eclipsed by only two events from that year: the first is the birth of yours truly, and the second is the release of stone cold fucking classic Teen Wolf. You are probably thinking to yourself right now, 'Whatever, it's about a fucking teenage werewolf, what can it really be about?' My answer is simple: It's about everything. It's about love, growing up, coming to terms with who you are and embracing it, teenage popularity, puberty, basketball, realizing who your true friends are, understanding life is about more than nailing the hot blonde during play practice (to be fair, life's not about much more than that), the importance of teamwork, and, oh yeah, a teenage fucking werewolf who hood-surfs to the Beach Boys and plays varsity basketball! This movie has it all, ladies and gentlemen. And in the end, it's all about basketball.

Scott Howard (Michael J. Fox) is a short little pipsqueak trying to fit in with the cool kids and play some varsity basketball. He wants to be popular, he wants to kick ass at basketball, and most importantly, he wants to be inside Pamela Wells, the school's "it-girl" and all around beeyotch. Sadly, poor Scott can't do any of those things while he's stuck being a nerdy, short fella who pals around with Stiles (the film's token "cool guy") and Boof, the oddly attractive girl who's heart belongs to Scott, although he doesn't reciprocate the feelings. Then, one night, something special happens: he transforms into a werewolf! Turns out, his family has been cursed with lycanthropy - although I don't believe that word is ever uttered in the film - and he, understandably, freaks out after learning as much. He gets over that angst rather quickly, and when he "wolfs out" at school, he's initially looked upon as a freak (no shit, he's a fucking werewolf!) but is then quickly embraced by the student body for being so bad-ass at hoops. Turns out that Scott is infinitely better at everything as a werewolf than he is as a boring, run-of-the-mill human (and when I say everything, I mean it... the tender subject of bestiality is somehow avoided in the movie, although I know for a fact some bitches were fucking wolves). He turns around the shitty basketball team and they become contenders for the state championship, and Scott's head begins to expand greatly. He starts alienating his teammates on the court, often going 1-on-5 in an attempt to win over the fans as they win their games handily. The team is on the precipice of greatness, but Scott's teammates are miserable. How can they enjoy themselves and their victory if they're not doing anything to positively affect the outcome? They are sick of playing with a teammate who cares only about personal glory, not the joy of winning (or losing) as a team. In order to truly succeed, Scott must recognize that, win or lose, the game's about more than personal accolades. It's about teamwork.

The drama of the game is on full display here, and never has there been anything that has so prophetically captured the drama of being a me-first guy on film. I hate to bring it up again, but this is classic Kobe Bryant circa 2006 again: an immensely talented player who recognizes his supporting cast is made up of shitty players (for Kobe, he had Smush Parker and Kwame Brown, Scott Howard had some fat fucker. Worse teammates? Kobe), and instead of working hard to make them better, said player goes for personal glory and tries to win it all on his own. Scott, like Kobe, eventually realizes this, and in the big game, he plays as a plain ol' human, not as a werewolf. It seems stupid to compare a teen comedy like Teen Wolf to actual NBA players, but it's alarmingly accurate as a portrayal of NBA hotshots. It happens far too often for me to believe that there are still some stupid headcases out there who don't recognize the importance of teamwork and unity. I really think that every lottery pick or franchise player who thinks he's that good that he can go it alone should have to watch this film over and over until they learn their lesson.

Yeah, Teen Wolf isn't high cinema, and it will never win any awards, but it is a great movie about not only basketball, but life as well. While it tackles the hard-hitting issue of being a ball-hog, it can also be viewed as an allegory for puberty - getting hair in weird places, all the physical changes, wanting to bang the hot girl all the time - as well. Don't ignore the movie just because it has a teenage werewolf who makes the Harlem Globetrotters look like five year-olds playing on a Nerf hoop. Don't do that. No, let it take you over, and embrace the joys of watching a werewolf do stupid shit.

Inception

*****
Five Stars Out of Five

There is really no easy way to start this review. I generally try to come up with some droll comment that proves how funny, hip, and edgy I am. Today, I can't. I think it's partly because I'm a wreck of a person, and I think it's partly because, no matter what I say, it will never ever be as hip or edgy as the film Christopher Nolan has just released upon the masses.

Once every ten years or so, there is a film released that is wholly unique in it's vision; a film so intensely intelligent that you suddenly ask yourself why you've been slumming it with the Transformers movies, the Iron Man movies, or, heck, pretty much everything else being released in the multiplexes these days. That's not to say that those movies aren't enjoyable or fun (I tend to re-watch those movies quite a bit, as a matter of fact), but sometimes there's just something that's so much better out there that we get to see what the medium of film is truly capable of. Today, I got to see a movie that truly reminded me of what movies are capable of. Today, I had the privilege to view something so truly special that it would be impossible to capture in any other medium and have the same powerful effect on me. That movie, of course, is The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Just kidding. I will never watch that pile of shit! I'm talking about Inception, a movie that I find is incredibly hard to write a review about, because there are no words I am capable of compiling into a coherent sentence that can relay how special I found it to be. I am going to try, really, really hard, to somehow convey the way I feel about this movie, but I am afraid I will fail miserably. I apologize ahead of time.

So, what do you do for an encore after you've constructed the finest comic book adaptation to date? That's the conundrum Christopher Nolan found himself in in the wake of The Dark Knight's enormous success two years ago. By creating something that became a pop culture phenomenon, and crafting a film that expertly blended crime noir with superheros in capes - not to mention directing one of the finest performances in years from the late Heath Ledger - Christopher Nolan painted himself into a bit of a corner. How was he going to be able to come up with another movie that would somehow meet the exceedingly high bar he set for himself with The Dark Knight? Well, the simple answer was he went out and made a movie he'd been working on for 10 years (rumor has it that he started writing Inception when he was directing the mind-fuck classic Memento). I applaud Nolan for this, because he could have played it safe. He could have went right to work on a sequel to the Batman franchise he resurrected from the grave and nobody would have criticized him for it. Instead, he made it hard on himself by deciding his next picture was going to be Inception, a movie which, if not mind-blowingly awesome, would allow him to be crucified on various internet message boards as a pompous ass who bit off more than he could chew, instead of simply giving the fans what they wanted so badly in the form of another Batman flick.

Inception introduces the viewer into a world where certain people have discovered ways to invade our dreams. The goal of the invaders? To steal valuable information for high-priced bidders. The invaders are involved in a sort of corporate espionage where the goal is to infiltrate a person's dream and then extract valuable information which will pay them handsomely. The film doesn't pull any punches, starting off in the middle of a dream. Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Arthuer (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) are two "dream thieves" attempting to steal information from a powerful individual named Saito (Ken Watanabe). When the extraction hits a snag, Cobb and Arthur attempt to hide from their would-be victim, only to be lured into a more insidious, infinitely more dangerous invasion. Saito wants them to plant an idea into Robert Fischer's (Cillian Murphy) mind. Sounds simple enough, right? But that's not all, in order for this "inception" to occur, the men must make the idea appear to be one of the victim's own thinking, otherwise the idea won't take full effect. The two men then get together a crew of individuals who are able to help them accomplish this goal including Ariadne (Ellen Page), Eames (an outstanding Tom Hardy), and Yusuf (Dileep Rao). The process then unfolds in an amazingly intricate, exciting fashion which is punctuated by one of the best endings in recent memory that will leave people talking for days.

I've attempted to be intentionally vague about the plot, giving the barest-bones synopsis I possibly can in order to preserve the joy of discovering this world for yourself. If I had to describe the movie in only a few words, I would say that it is the first (and likely only) metaphysical heist flick ever made. Nolan and co. do a tremendous job of creating a world where it is possible to enter someone else's dreams, and they do an even better job of organically explaining the rules of this world. With such a high-concept idea as this, it would be easy to screw up and alienate the viewer rather quickly. Instead, Nolan perfectly balances the high-wire act by infusing some amazing action set pieces (that hotel hallway fight scene was incredible), trippy visuals like Paris folding in on itself, interesting characters, and an easy-to-follow-hard-as-hell-to-describe narrative. There's a great sequence early on in which Cobb recruits Ariadne, a woman who has no idea that entering into a person's subconscious is even possible, to his cause. Ariadne brilliantly functions as both an interesting character and a proxy for the audience. She knows as little as we do about this world and it's capabilities, so we get to learn as she does while Cobb explains what is possible, impossible, improbable, and likely to occur in dreams. What could have been a ham-fisted approach which quickly stops the narrative in it's tracks instead becomes a visual feast that did a few things I didn't think were possible in cinema.

Simply put, Nolan has become one of the best directors working in film today. He brilliantly blends high-concept intelligence with characters we give a shit about and amazing action sequences. I can't even think of another director which closely resembles his style - he's not like Spielberg who is the king of popcorn entertainment; he not like Scorsese who can blend every cinematic style throughout the ages to capture the psyche of damaged (and often unsavory) characters; he's not like Tarantino who wants nothing more than to pay the ultimate tribute to film while displaying some of the best dialogue ever heard. He's a wholly unique talent who is confident in his abilities, and also in the intelligence of his audience. He refuses to dumb down his ideas for the audience, and he revels in the ambiguity he leaves them with. He's like the Bizarro-Michael Bay - where Bay only cares about having as many explosions as possible surrounding his one-dimensional characters who are generally as likable as rolling around in poison ivy, Nolan wants us to feel for his characters, to try to understand who they are, and how they came to this point. Michael Bay's filmmaking has a place in the world - there are always going to be people who want to turn their brains off to watch giant robots battle superficially - but it is just disposable. It doesn't challenge you like Nolan's films do, and that's the biggest surprise of all: to watch an exciting, challenging film that has amazing action scenes and even more amazing ideas blended perfectly together is something seen all too rare these days.

The cast is, in a word, exceptional. Leonardo DiCaprio continues to impress as Cobb. Starting with Gangs of New York and Catch Me If You Can in 2002, DiCaprio began to show how talented of an actor he truly is. Like most guys my age, I hated the guy when I was younger because of his role in Titanic, and how every girl within a 300 mile radius of me wanted to bone him, but he's really become one of the best actors of his generation. He acts with his entire body, and there is a scene in Inception in which he really flexes his acting muscles by making him a truly sympathetic individual. Over the past eight years, DiCaprio has grown into a must-see actor, and his role in this only cements his reputation as an absolute marvel in the medium of film. It is no surprise that Scorsese has taken to him like he did to Robert De Niro in the 70's. Then there's Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Arthur. JGL (which is how I will refer to him from now on because his name is a pain in the ass to type) has been a critic's darling for years now, and he's finally going to get some well-deserved recognition in the mainstream. He should really become a hot commodity now, and it couldn't happen to a better actor. He has a cool confidence about him that makes him likable and believable as a bad-ass like Arthur. I've never been a big fan of Ellen Page, mostly due to her role in the hipster douche-fest Juno from a few years back. She was the embodiment of everything I hate about hipster-douches in that film, and she had an uphill battle to win me over. She hasn't done so completely, but her role as Ariadne is a big step in the right direction. The biggest surprise from the cast easily comes in the form of Tom Hardy who plays bad-ass extraordinaire Eames. I've never seen him act in anything before, and he was the highlight here as he deftly combined the physicality his role demanded and a cocky sense of humor in which he belittles Arthur at every opportunity. I expect big things from him, as well. The rest of the cast is filled with recognizable names and faces like Michael Caine, Ken Watanabe, Cillian Murphy, and Tom Berenger (!).

Overall, I can't say much else about the film than has already been said. It's a special kind of flick that only comes along once in a blue moon, and I sincerely hope that it receives the attention it deserves. Christopher Nolan has developed into a wholly unique filmmaker who is capable of such greatness that I can't think of another director from his generation that has made as many great films as he has. Inception was great on every level, and I cannot think of any conceivable fault that it had in weaving it's story. I loved every moment of it. I can't wait to see what Nolan's career produces next, and I will be there opening day for it whenever that happens. But first, I need to go see this fucking movie again.

Predators

***** Four Stars Out of Five


When I was a young, impressionable boy, at the tender age of four, I experienced a movie that changed my life. My older brother exposed me to Predator, a movie that involved six commandos - including some of the manliest men to ever walk God's green earth like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Apollo Creed himself, Carl Weathers - going into Guatemala to fuck some bad dudes up. The premise was standard action fare for the time, but there was a unique spin to the traditional story - they were hunted by an alien with technology far beyond our wildest dreams, and a penchant for taking souvenirs from his human trophies.

As the years wore on, Predator became one of my most-rented movies (up there with Desperado, which is funny for reasons I'll explain later). It seemed as though every fourth weekend at Blockbuster involved me snatching up Predator along with some other movies that I can't remember today. I drifted away from the movie until my senior year of high school, when I rediscovered it after a Mountain Dew-fueled evening at a friend's house. We watched the film and concluded that it was, indeed, the Manliest Movie Ever Made. Now that I'm 25, that decision still stands. There are more oiled-up biceps, murders, bad-ass weapons with nicknames like "Old Painless," and testosterone in that movie than any film should legally be allowed to have. There are some of the best lines a man could ever hope to speak, such as, "Stick Around!" "I ain't got time to bleed," "GET TO THE CHOPPAH!!!" "If it bleeds, we can kill it," and my personal favorite (a line that would be etched on my tombstone if my future wife would allow it): "A bunch of slack-jawed faggots! This shit'll make you a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus, just like me!" It is a stone-cold fucking classic, and I am not being hyperbolic when I say that.

Sadly, the Predator franchise hasn't had a great go of it on celluloid over the past 20 years. In 1990, Predator 2 was released, and it replaced Arnie with Danny Glover in the lead. Stop to take that in for a minute. Danny. Fucking. Glover. Now, Danny's not a pussy or anything, but Arnie he ain't. The movie did a decent enough job of expanding on the mythology of the Predators, but it certainly left a lot to be desired. Then, in 2004, after a 14 year hiatus, the Predator co-starred in AVP: Alien Vs. Predator, an absolute shit-fest that makes my blood boil. Gone were the slick, stealthy Predators of past movies who were on the hunt for humans, the greatest of all game. In their stead were roided-up Preds who looked more like WWF wrestlers than virile hunters. Fans were outraged by this, and in 2007, AVP-R: Aliens Vs. Predator Requiem was released. While it wasn't as bad as AVP, it was still a pretty fucking miserable excuse for a movie. Instead of being a smart, manly thriller, it was instead a bargain-bin slasher flick with Aliens and Predators taking over the role of Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees. The franchise seemed ready to die an unjust death at the hands of confused filmmakers and stupid screenwriters.

Then, a miracle happened. Robert Rodriguez, the writer/director of such cinematic achievements as Desperado (see, it's funny that my other most-watched movie as a kid was directed by the guy who would go on to redeem a favorite franchise of mine), Sin City, Planet Terror, and From Dusk Till Dawn (which, in fairness, was scripted by Quentin Tarantino), was approached by Fox to produce a script he'd written in 1994 - which was, at the time, deemed to expensive to film - and he immediately agreed. With Rodriguez attached to produce, my hopes immediately sky-rocketed. He brought in Nimrod Antal to direct, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Predators opens up with Royce (a super-beefed up Adrian Brody), a mercenary for hire and former black ops badass, free-falling towards the ground. As he tries to remember how he got there, and what he's doing in the middle of the jungle, he meets up with six other similarly confused, equally well-equipped (save for two) people. Here's a quick rundown of the six characters: Isabelle - an Israeli sniper, Edwin (Topher Grace) - an American doctor, Cuchillo (Danny Trejo, a Rodriguez favorite) - a cartel assassin, Mombassa - an African death squad soldier, Stans - an American serial killer, Hanzo - a Yakuza gangster, and Nikolai - a Russian soldier. It doesn't take long for the seven individuals to realize that they're on an alien planet that is similar to Earth, and they are being hunted by something. They have all been chosen because of their exceptional talents in killing, except for Edwin, who seems awfully out of place among these hardened killers. They have to try to survive long enough to figure out what they're dealing with, and find a way back to Earth. It's a simple plot, and the simplicity works exceedingly well given the movie's central focus on the Predators and their hunting ways.

Movies like this often tend to lose their way and forget that they're made primarily to entertain. Predators is not that type of movie. Instead of sitting around and waxing intellectual and philosophical about their killing ways, the characters quickly understand the gravity of the situation, and are aware of the threat they are dealing with. Rodriguez and Antal simply did a tremendous job of making the Predators not only relevant again, but threatening again. Antal pulls a Spielberg on us by withholding the Predators from view for as long as possible, allowing the suspense to build before letting us see the creatures up close. I was surprised at how badly I wanted to see the Predators, considering I've seen them numerous times over the years. Their reveal is an awesome sequence that will have fans of the franchise smiling gleefully like I did.

Another great thing about the movie is how the Predators' mythology is presented. Through witty dialogue and the Predators' actions, we learn more about them and how proud as a species they are. The hunters adapt and evolve, so much so that the Predators we see here are significantly more dangerous than the ones we've seen in the past. There is a great sequence near the end of the movie which shows how the Predators view dying in battle, or for the hunt, much like the Samurai or Spartans did. They believe in dying an honorable death, and they never back away from a fight. It is an interesting juxtaposition, as it is easy to view them as cowards, since they tend to hide in the camouflage and use weaponry far superior to the game they so vigorously hunt. I did love to see the expansion of their trophy-taking, and their methods got pretty gruesome at times.

I would be remiss as a critic (and I use that term tenuously) if I didn't mention Adrian Brody. The dude got fucking jacked for his role as Royce, and he looks and acts as if he might actually be able to take down a seven-foot tall alien. He wisely avoids the camp and manliness of Arnie's Dutch, and he instead opts for a quiet, calculating man simply trying to survive. I was also happy with Topher Grace's performance as Edwin. I kind of hate Topher Grace - he was abysmal as Venom in Spider-Man 3, and he is, to me, like the male Cameron Diaz; he doesn't do anything to make me hate him, but I do, and every time I see him, I just want to punch him in the face - but he did a good job of lightening the mood throughout the film with various quips and funny moments of pitch black comedy. The rest of the cast does a great job, too, and it was nice to see killers from all over the world and different backgrounds stuck together to try and survive. Danny Trejo's extended cameo was great, as his presence in, well, anything is always welcome. His role as Cuchillo was a nice little primer for his big project Machete, which re-teams him (again) with Robert Rodriguez.

Really, I don't have many complaints about the movie. There were a few pacing problems early on, but I think that was mostly on me because I wanted to see the Predators so badly. On repeat viewings, I don't think it will bother me as much, and it will allow me to focus on all of the little Easter eggs that Antal and Rodriguez littered throughout the film. I sincerely hope that this movie does good at the box office, so Antal and Rodriguez can return for a sequel. They did such a great job of bringing a childhood favorite back to life, and they paid tribute to a classic of the genre without stepping on its' toes or simply emulating what we've seen before. In lesser hands, this would have been a glorified remake, but instead we're given a continuation of a story that started 23 years ago. It's a shame that it took so long for someone to get it right, but I guess I'll take the cliched route and say that all good things come to those who wait (unless you're a Cleveland sports fan... Fuck you, Lebron!). Predators was most assuredly worth the wait.

Lebron James - "The Decision"

I have finally returned to you, my dear blogspot website. After dealing with computer viruses that wouldn't allow me to access you, I'm back, baby! And I'm fucking pissed.

Now, generally, I devote this site to reviews - mostly of movies, but sometimes comics, too. I am deviating from that today. Enjoy.

Some of my fondest memories of growing up involve basketball. Many of those memories included a guy named Michael Jordan. Perhaps you're familiar with him? He's the best basketball player to ever lace 'em up. I remember watching him win his first title against the Magic-led Lakers in 1990. I remember the repeat, and his dominating Game 1 performance against the Trailblazers when he made Clyde Drexler look like he was thinking that he may have chosen the wrong profession. I remember watching Game 6 of the '93 Finals at my Italian grandparents' tiny house, and my grandmother inexplicably stating, "You know, that Scottie Pippen is pretty good-looking for a negro." I remember my grandpa screaming, "Finito, Eddie! Finito!" as he was determined to change the channel, only to have my dad remind him that is was only halftime. I remember cheering crazily as the Bulls finished off the Suns, only half-realizing that MJ was probably going to retire after that. I remember MJ coming back, although with a new number (45), and seemingly less talent the second time around. I remember him proving us wrong. I remember watching the Bulls win their record-breaking 70th game of the '95-96 season against the Bucks in my bedroom on a small TV when I was supposed to be in bed. I remember watching Jordan's "shot" in my living room with my mom and brother, jumping up and down with the energy and excitement generally reserved for those who just won the lottery. I remember getting my ass kicked repeatedly by my brother on the basketball court. I remember, all-too-vividly, my 8th grade Boys Club team's final game of the season, in the championship game. We were up by three with 12 seconds left, and my teammate stole the ball. I ran up the court and caught a great outlet pass. I was being chased down by a much faster defender, and instead of going up for a layup, I pump-faked the fuck out of the kid as he went flying past me, and I gently banked the ball in. We ended up winning by five. Suffice it to say, I have a lot of fond memories of basketball on every level. Fuck, my very first french kiss took place on my basketball court in my backyard! Yeah, I loves me some basketball.

But then, a funny thing happened. I had a foot problem and couldn't play anymore. The excitement of the NBA had dissipated in MJ's absence. I hated Kobe Bryant and the Lakers for winning seemingly every year. I all but stopped watching the NBA, focusing instead on music. A few years later, a funnier thing happened. I was watching "The Daily Show," and they were broadcasting from Ohio due to the political atmosphere of the state. That night, Lebron James was the guest. I watched him, and I enjoyed his candor, his sense of humor, and his level of comfort in an environment most professional athletes don't find themselves. I resolved to catch one of his games with the Cavaliers next season. I watched a game and was immediately impressed. It's hard to describe professional athletes and their talents in words; it's even harder to describe the "it" that only a select few have. Lebron, like MJ before him, most assuredly had "it." I watched a few more games, then a few more, and the next thing I knew, I was a full-blown Cavs fan, watching every damn game I possibly could.

Then the 2007 playoffs arrived, and along with their arrival, came a whole new group of basketball memories, a whole slew of "I remember's..." I remember, for example, his 48 point evisceration of the once-great Detroit Pistons in Game 5. I remember watching, dejectedly, at a bar on my birthday, as the Cavs got pounded by the Spurs in the Finals. I remember, the next year, the elation that I felt when the Cavs made a huge trade for Wally Szcerbiak, Ben Wallace, Delonte West, and Joe Smith. I remember Lebron's Herculean effort in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Semi's against the Celtics, where Lebron came so close to elevating his team to greatness, only to fail in the closing moments. I remember sitting at a Mexican restaurant in Tacoma, WA, watching Lebron hit the biggest shot of his career to that point, winning the game on a three-pointer as time expired. I remember a lot, of course.

And, because I remember a lot, I will never forget Lebron's narcissistic behavior in the weeks leading up to his decision to join the Miami Heat. It's not just what he did, of course, but it's how he did it. It's how he gave not only my team false hope, but five other teams, as well. Throughout the past three years (in which I missed only a grand total of four Cavs games, by the way), Lebron has flirted with numerous cities including New York and New Jersey. A few years back, he promised to "bring a championship to Cleveland." He has a tattoo that reads, "Loyalty." He always acted like the hot girl that you knew you could never bang, but still sent out signals that she's into you to those other cities. But still, through all of the flirtatious moments, he always made sure it was known that his home was in Ohio, and that he wanted to bring a championship to the city that has been without one since 1964.

Then, after an unceremoniously early exit from the playoffs this year at the hands of the Celtics (and some conspiracy theorists' opinion that Lebron simply gave up), Lebron stopped flirting with everyone. He became a bit of a shut-in. Instead of going on a city-to-city tour of his potential suitors, he held his meetings in a downtown Cleveland office, minutes away from The Q, his basketball kingdom for the past few years. Whether this decision was intentional or not, it sent out a message to basketballs fans and teams alike - you have to convince me to leave my home. All signs pointed to Lebron, a notorious attention-craver, would listen to these enticing offers, but he would, at the end of the day, stay at home and finish what he started.

Then he didn't.

From an emotional standpoint, spurning the Cavs for the Heat hurts. It hurts even more knowing his behavior and words that he's spoken in the past. But the most painful thing? His cold and calculated decision to have a one-hour special dedicated to himself on ESPN, in which he announced his decision to sign with the Miami Heat. Even as the truth started to emerge, nobody actually thought that Lebron would hold a heavily-hyped publicity stunt in which he would shit on his home state, his most ardent supporters, and the franchise that literally did everything in their power to make him happy. The city itself was based on Lebron James. He was the unofficial mayor of the town, the story of the hometown hero who defied the odds, put a broken city on his back, and marched towards greatness with an unshakable determination. Then, he left.

His decision may very well cripple a city that's already on it's knees. That's unfortunate, but his decision also shows how little he truly believes in himself. This is the guy who was supposed to be the next MJ, not the next Pippen. And Pippen, as great of a player as he was, is now Lebron's maximum ceiling as a player and a legend. He gave up the idea of being a King to be a sidekick. Lebron COULD have been great, one of the top three or four players ever to lace 'em up. Now? He'll be really good, and he'll probably win a few rings, but he's never going to be the "Chosen 1," the words he has inked across his back. His legacy is forever tarnished now, for no matter how many rings he ends up with, he'll always be the guy who couldn't win on his own terms. Jordan would never have teamed up with Magic or Bird to win, because he didn't want to just be the best, he wanted to beat the fuck out of the best. MJ didn't have friends - he had opponents. He wanted to destroy every opposing player the moment they stepped on the court, and he could not have lived with himself if he had won championships by compromising himself in the least. That's what separates MJ from the best - he was the best, but he kept getting better.

I can get past the emotional feelings, though. Yes, what he did was a dickhead move. It's probably the biggest asshole moment in sports history; it's definitely the biggest asshole move in my lifetime. But then, it's only a sport. Sports exist to supplement our lives, not to rule them. Emotionally, I'm still pissed, but I'll still cheer for my Cavs, and I'll be okay tomorrow, and the day after that.

Really, what I'm most upset about is the narcissistic behavior displayed by Lebron James throughout this entire process. I'm only 25, and I don't want to be the guy who trashes the media, or seem like a crotchity old man complaining about the loose morals of the young'uns, but I wonder what this type of behavior from a supposed role model will do to the younger minds who love and follow Lebron James adamantly. The example he set last night was this: look out for number one, and don't worry about the consequences of your actions. Be self-inflated. Don't give a fuck about hurting anyone's feelings - this is very important, because I'm not talking about the fans, I'm talking about his teammates whom he'd made promises to, and to the owner of the Cavs, Dan Gilbert, who spent more money than any other owner in the NBA these past few years to give Lebron everything he wanted and needed to win - because, at the end of the day, you've gotta do it yourself. But you don't really have to do it yourself if you've joined up with two other cats who are great at their jobs, too.

Lebron simply hurt his legacy and his brand. That's fine with me, because I don't personally know him, and he's just an athlete at the end of the day. But I'll never forgive his completely self-centered attitude surrounding his decision, and his constant yearning to be the center of attention. His decision, and the mechanics he used to relay said decision, has severely damaged sports, and the NBA in particular. That part really hurts me, too, because I'm a huge fan of the NBA. I hope that this doesn't speed up the process of a looming NBA lockout, and I hope that the acts of a spoiled brat who has never had to be held accountable for everything doesn't sour the sport for other fans.

I hope the Cavs continue to improve in other ways, in Lebron's absence, and I hope that Lebron's signing in Miami urges many other people to pick a team and boo the Heat every time they play.

Lebron wanted to be the biggest story in sports. He got it, but now he's no longer the hero, the messiah, the "King," or the "Chosen 1."

Nope. Now he's a villain. Now, he's just another asshole athlete.

Shit That Rocked My World in 2009!!!!!!!

It's always fun to make a cumulative "Best Of" list for any type of entertainment for an entire year. It's like having one last chance to let everyone know how stupid they are and how right and awesome you are by explaining why you like something. Is there any more sure-fire way at pointing out how insecure and pompous critics tend to be? It's like "Well, you should have listened to everything I said before, but I'm going to give you one last chance to pay attention to me," and "GODAMNIT! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" got together and fucked, and the "Best Of" lists were the offspring of two emotions/phrases boning. And guess what? It's my turn! Maybe I'm doing this because I'm insecure, and I want one last chance to convince everyone how smart I am; maybe I'm doing this because I want attention. I don't know, maybe it's a combination of those things and several other reasons. Really, who gives a shit? I'm still not getting paid for this - I'm waiting on all the offers to come in the mail - and I provide correct opinions on all sorts of shit for free! You should be thanking me, not trying to psychologically decipher why I started a silly review site, damnit! Anyway, this is my first go at a "Best Of," and I'll be covering three topics (two in depth): Movies, Comic Books, and Books. I hope it turns out well. If it doesn't and it bores you to tears, lie to me and make me think I'm awesome. My psyche is so fragile. All right, let's do it!

Top Five Movies of the Year
1. Inglourious Basterds
Really, there was no way in hell this wasn't going to be the best movie of the year. This is vintage, prototypical Tarantino right here: You watch the movie and are mightily entertained by it, but once it's over, you question to yourself, "What the hell did I just watch?" Then, a few hours pass, and you can't get the movie out of your head, and the next thing you know, you're absolutely in love with it and can't wait to watch it again (and again (and again) (and again)). Then, you watch it again and realize it's an absolute masterpiece. Well, that's how this movie worked for me. Like most Tarantino movies, the viewing experience gets richer with each new viewing of it. This movie has it all - Brad Pit's best role to date, the best performance I've seen in a long time (Christoph Waltz), Nazis getting brained with a baseball bat by the director of Hostel, Hitler and Goebbels getting machine gunned to death in a movie theater, and a "Holy shit! Why didn't I think of that?"-moment in which one character points out the similarities between slavery and King Kong. If the movie has a theme (beyond Nazis being assholes and needing to die), it is this: The power of cinema. Cinema has the ability to make even uptight individuals blood-thirsty savages waiting for the next Nazi to get brutally killed; it has the ability to make those same people hypocrites for being disgusted at watching Nazis cheering on a fellow Nazi cinematically assassinating swarms of American soldiers. Cinema is so powerful here, though, that it actually changes history; in Tarantino's world, Hitler doesn't shoot himself in a bunker, he is taken out by the Basterds. Talking about the movie really just doesn't do it justice. You really just need to see it.


2. The Informant!
Gotta love the underdog movie that nobody ever talks about, right? It's that rare indie flick with mainstream talent that actually succeeds on nearly every level. Many times, an unsuspecting audience sees a big name in an off-kilter movie and checks it out anyway, due to the big name guys. The movies generally turns out to be a giant turd way too far up it's own ass to ever entertain anyone except those fucking shitheads who wear black-rimmed glasses, tight jeans, and weird scarves and sit around drinking coffee in some shop (not Starbucks, that's too mainstream, bro) whilst discussing which shitty indie band is totally boss that week. Wow, glad I got that off my chest. This flick is one of the funniest movies of the year, anchored by a so-fucking-weird-it's-gotta-be-true story, and one of the best performances of the decade from Matt Damon. Wait, of the decade, Greg? To quote Mr. Big from "Sex and the City" (good show, men), "Absah-fuckin'-lutely. While you're watching the movie, you're marveling at Damon's ability to become a psychologically unbalanced white collar man, and then suddenly it dawns on you, "Wait a sec, this is Jason Bourne!" That's right, the same guy who plays uber-badass (I should get my ass kicked by Jason Bourne for saying 'uber-anything') Jason Effing Bourne is also this overweight, toupe wearing schmuck trying (and failing miserably) to outsmart his bosses, his wife, the FBI, and most depressingly, himself. The movie perfectly balances drama and comedy while speeding through the proceedings without losing the audience on the way. This is Soderbergh's best work since Ocean's 11, and I hope this isn't the last we see of he and Damon working with one another.

3. Avatar
I really struggled between putting this at number two, but ultimately, I couldn't put anything that predominantly falls into the "Holy hot shit, you've got to see this movie in 3-D now!" category over the exceedingly more repeat-friendly The Informant! That doesn't mean Avatar is a bad film by any stretch of the imagination - it's amazing use of the 3-D technology mixed with other-worldly CGI instantly pushed what cinema is capable of achieving to new heights - it's just more of an event that needs to be experienced than a film that needs to be watched. If that makes sense. And it does. In my head. The flick marks James Cameron's return to feature films after a 12 year hiatus, and it's a damn great return. Based on the movie's intake over the last few weeks, a sequel is almost guaranteed, and since I was born in the 80's - the age of "More! More! More!" excess - I can only say this when the eventual announcement is made: "Fuck yeah! I'll be there!" Chances are, if you're reading this, you've already seen the movie, and you agree that it was mind-blowingly cool, and if you haven't seen it yet? What the hell are you waiting for! You don't want to see this in 2-D on video. Trust me.

4. District 9
Easily one of the biggest surprises of the year. I am in constant amazement whenever I watch this movie - which is incredibly often, thanks to my Blu-ray copy (that I had to scrounge up pennies for, since nobody is paying for me to write this shit... yet). Whenever I watch this movie, I keep thinking to myself, "This shouldn't be that good." But, thank God, it is. The premise is wholly unique - an alien ship hovers over Johannesburg in South Africa, and the surviving aliens are (mostly) simple-minded drones who don't know what to make of their new home. That simple plotline sets the stage for a great story which addresses corporate immorality, prejudice, and the military complex. Not too bad for a summer blockbuster, eh? The flick is filled with no-name actors (many who had never even acted professionally, like the leading man, Sharlto Copley), and some of the most seamless CGI ever. The aliens all look very lifelike, and many of them have innocent faces which makes their experiences with humans all the more disheartening. The movie has several scenes which tug at your heart strings, and every time the film ends, I find myself nodding my head with a half-smile that indicates I've been affected in a way that films rarely achieve. Again, this shouldn't be that good. But it is. I hope you get to see it some day.


5. Up In the Air
What a surprisingly excellent film this was! It's a very "sign-of-the-times" drama that features great performances from the entire cast, and it is just as likely to make you cry than it is to laugh (and trust me, you will laugh). George Clooney - quickly becoming one of my favorite actors, especially when considering he rocked the shit out of 2007's best film, Michael Clayton - stars as Ryan Bingham. Ryan is a man who is more concerned with gaining his 10 millionth frequent flyer mile than he is his own sister's impending nuptials. He's not what any of us would call a "people person," and it shows, given that his job is to fly around the country and fire people because their bosses are too scared to deal with the fallout. He spends more than 2/3's of his year on the road, and he likes it that way; he doesn't want to slow down and deal with life's issues. It's never explained why, but Ryan doesn't want to get burned by forming any solid connection with anybody. Of course, in spite of his plan in life, he forms a solid connection with someone. And he gets burned. This is an outstanding drama that I'm afraid won't find an audience due to it's semi-black comic approach towards much of life. I'm going to go all "critic" on you here and offer a phrase that's tailor-made for the back of the DVD case: It's a poignant, funny, and heartbreaking story that you won't soon forget!


Honorable Mentions: Star Trek, Capitalism: A Love Story, Up, and Watchmen


Worst Movie of the Year: Public Enemies
Guess what? Johnny Depp is charismatic. And handsome. And, apparently, he doesn't give a fuck about acting anymore, he just wants to rely on his handsomeness and charisma, as shown in this absolute stinker from Michael Mann. I had high hopes for this movie. Really high hopes. I mean, Mann is the dude responsible for Heat and Collateral, two of the coolest damn movies ever made. Of course, he's also responsible for the suckfest known as Miami Vice, but that seemed to be more of an abbhoration when it was released. I had all the faith in the world that Mann would bounce back in a big way with Public Enemies, but instead, he decided that Johnny Depp's dreamy brown eyes and hunky cheek bones would be more than enough to carry a two-plus hour film about John Dillinger. Really, how do you fuck up John Dillinger? The guy was like a mix between Jesse James (the outlaw, not the motorcycle dude) and Keith Richards - a celebrity bad boy who the public loved, but was still pretty terrified of. Apparently, the answer to my question is simple: Shoot extreme close-ups of Johnny Depp, throw in some incomprehensible violence, and a so-forced-it's-painful romance. Oh yeah, and spend some of the movie devoted to Melvin Purvis - the man who is hunting Dillinger - but don't give him any type of personality whatsoever. There were certainly lesser movies made in 2009, but none with more potential than this, and that's why I elected it to be my worst movie of the year. I struggled for a moment between this and Terminator: Salvation, but ultimately settled on this, simply because of the talent and story involved. Terminator: Salvation was clearly a dissapointment, but when you think about it, how good could a Arnold-less Terminator flick directed by McG be? Exactly. Not that great, am I right? Either way, a big old "Congratulations, dipshit!" goes out to Christian Bale for starring in my two least-favorite movies of the year. I hope your 2010 is a buttload better than your 2009, Mr. Bale.


Top Five Comic Books Of the Year

1. Batman and Robin by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely/Phillip Tan
So, Grant Morrison has the audacity to kill of Bruce Wayne, and how does he respond to the millions of fanboys bitching about it? He goes on to write the best Batman book in years. Not enough for you? He talks his buddy, and one of the industry's brightest talents, Frank Quitely into pencilling the damn thing! Morrison didn't want to deal with the fallout and subsequent designation of a new Batman (it's Dick Grayson, the first Robin) so he left that to Tony Daniel - the excellent artist on Batman RIP to write and draw the miniseries which dealt with it all. So, after the dust settled, Morrison and Quitely began telling their beautiful masterpiece in the new Batmand and Robin series. When these two guys work together, it's simply magical. The two play off of each other incredibly, and their working relationship is probably the best in the business today. Morrison's weird, outlandish plotting is portrayed wonderfully by Quitely, and it's actually depressing that they don't constantly and exclusively work with one another. The series has, in six issues thus far, raised far more questions than it's answered (kind of like TV's LOST), yet the tale Morrison is telling clearly has an end in sight, and he constantly rewards long-time readers with nuggets of information. Yes, the series hit a bump in the road when Phillip Tan took over pencils for Quitely (there's just no way Quitely's slow-as-mollases workrate could have sustained a monthly book), but it was still the book I most looked forward to every month, and Morrison's insane stories were still amazing. I hope that the Batman franchise continues to fly as high as it does with Morrison in charge!

2. The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman and Charlie Adlard
Who would have thought that a comic book about the zombie apocalypse would have such legs as a longform story? Kirkman's zombie opus is continually one of the best books on the shelf, and he indicates the series has no end in sight. It's amazing, since we're used to seeing zombie movies that inevitably end underwhelmingly. This is the first time that I've ever seen a story told about a group of survivors after the zombie holocaust that deals with them on a personal level - we see them constantly struggle for food, dealing with themselves and others, forming relationships that otherwise would never exist, and, of course, they kill some fucking zombies. The main reason for the series' continued success? Kirkman's ability to write realistic characters who behave realistically in a completely unrealistic (at least I fucking hope it's not realistic) situation. He lets us see how many humans would inevitably behave if society crumbled around us, and he shows us just what a normal person is capable of when fighting for their continued survival. The zombies always pose a serious threat, yet the real villains are those who haven't yet become zombified. This is an excellent series that continues to thrive, and each issue leaves me with my mouth agape, anxiously waiting for the next one to land in my hands.

3. Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? by Neil Gaiman and Andy Kubert
I almost didn't include this one for several reasons. What? You want me to list the reasons for you? Well, because I care about you, my faithful reader (and I'm still not getting paid for this), I will. As you already know by now, I rewarded a Batman book the number one spot on my list, and even though I am a huge Batman fan, I thought maybe one Batman book was more than enough for a list consisting of only five comic book titles. Also, this was only a two-issue story, and I felt that I should perhaps praise other comics that are telling longer stories. Then it dawned on me that I'm retarded. Seriously, how the hell could I not include this title on the list? Furthermore, how the hell could I only give it number three on the list? The answer to that question is a hard one to answer, simply because this is one of the few mainstream comic books that actually got to me on a very emotional level. If you were to ask me in five years what my favorite comic book stories of all-time were, there's a damn good chance that this will be in the top 2 (behind only Y: The Last Man, the only comic ever to bring me to the verge of tears). Neil Gaiman, in only two issues, mind you, was able to boil down the character of Batman to his very essence, and was able to show just why this particular super hero has endured for over 70 years. Andy Kubert does a tremendous job of "borrowing" other classic artists' renditions of the Dark Knight and those he shares his pages with - Kubert beautifully mimics the art style of Brian Bolland, Neil Adams, Bob Kane, and practically any other notable Bat-artist ever (he even portrays characters in the style of the wonderful Batman: The Animated Series). Simply put, this is a labor of love that will endure as one of the best Batman stories ever printed. No writer has ever summed up Batman so perfectly, and no other writer has ever showed why there will always be a Batman. Heavy stuff...

4. Invincible Iron Man by Matt Fraction and Salvadore LaRocca
Over the last few years, Marvel has tried (and mostly succeeded) to create a line-wide, overarching story in which all of the Marvel universe characters are involved. It's been an up-and-down road to travel, but it really paid off for Matt Fraction's extended run on Iron Man. With the Dark Reign casting a, ahem, dark cloud over the universe, no character has been as adversely affected as Tony Stark - A.K.A. "Iron Man." After the abomination known as Secret Invasion, Tony Stark lost the keys to the castle known as SHIELD, and Norman Osborn (the former Green Goblin) took his place. With Tony Stark being portrayed as an inept security expert, Norman swoops in and takes control. Tony takes a lot of information when he leaves, though. Information Norman Osborn covets. Information like the identity of every super hero who didn't unmask him/herself after the Civil War which led to Tony's rise to power. The thing is, Tony kept all that information stored on a hard drive, only that hard drive is Tony's brain (long story short, Tony's a genius and had essentially turned his entire body into an amazing computer). This leads to Tony being Norman's Most Wanted, and Tony goes on the run to wipe his brain clean, ensuring that Norman doesn't ever access the important information Tony holds. The story brilliantly displays how heroic and flawed Tony Stark is as a man - he rarely even steps foot into one of his famous suits throughout the story - and it's something that writers have been missing from him since Civil War. Fraction shows just how far Tony is willing to go to ensure the freedoms and liberties of those who hate him, and in the process, he humanizes Tony Stark. Rarely do comic characters become so multi-faceted and selfless (that's saying a lot, considering many heroes already sacrifice so much to save others regularly); Stark is actively trying to turn himself into a vegetable in order to make sure Osborn doesn't get what he wants. It's great to see a character who just enjoyed his biggest year (that movie was HUGE) get put through the ringer like this, and Fraction shows us that being a hero doesn't always end with a hot girl in bed, and an adoring public cheering you on.

5. Blackest Night by Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis
I guess I'm a sucker for longform serials that slowly build up over years of solid storytelling. The Blackest Night storyline has been steadily brewing in John's extended run on Green Lantern for a long time now, and the series finally came to fruition in the summer. I expected a huge disappointment, since the majority of event-comics I've read lately have really blown massive amounts of chunks - I'm looking at you, Secret Invasion - so I almost shat myself when I read issue numero uno and it rocked. The premise is simple, yet powerful: each color in the spectrum of light represents a human emotion - green is willpower, yellow is fear, blue is hope, red is rage, orange is avarice, indigo is compassion, and violet is love. Turns out there is another powerful emotion slowly revealing itself - death, which is personified here as the black lantern. The black lanterns unleash upon the universe, resurrecting all sorts of dead motherfuckers and, in a twist that is both funny and interesting (considering more superheroes die and return to life than you can count), death wants those superheroes who have escaped their fate. The series is not over just yet, but I find it hard to believe that there will be any type of significant letdown, especially after issue six released. This is why mainstream superhero comics are so damn good!

Worst Comic Book of the Year

Captain America Reborn by Ed Brubaker and Brian Hitch

Same deal here as with Public Enemies. There were obviously worse books released this year, but few had such promise. This is also more a referendum on Marvel's inability to tell a whole story without royally fucking it up than anything. Thanks to a bad release schedule, the readers found out how the story ended before the final book was released (it's still not done!). Furthermore, they actually released the epilogue one-shot before the finals issue, which only further hampers any effectiveness the series could have had. And, the final nail in the coffin (that's actually a funny pun, since Captain America is actually returning from the dead) is the fact that Steve Rogers - the original Captain America - returns, yet he doesn't reclaim his shield. Why did Marvel bother resurrecting such a revered character if they're going to pussify him by giving him PTSD (I'm not belittling the effects of PTSD here, but this is Captain Fucking America, the guy took down Hitler!) and making him afraid to step back into the ring. This was just a disappointing book, and Marvel is at fault here.


Best Book of the Year

The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons

I'm a bit of a hoops freak. I have NBA League Pass Broadband, I never miss a Cavs game (well, I missed one this season, picking my friend up in Mason City), and I vehemently hate the Boston Celtics. Along with movies and comics, basketball is probably my favorite timekill. Therefore, this book was written for guys like me. The best part about the book, though, is that it will turn even the most casual of fans into a rabid freak. Simmons, who writes for ESPN, has a tremendous knack for writing in his natural voice that the book comes off like a smart guy talking for a while rather than a boring book. He offers great insights into the league, like the fact that Michael Jordan really was quite a prick, Wilt Chamberlain cared more about stats than winning, and how cocaine nearly destroyed the league in the late 70's and early 80's. He gives his list of greatest players ever, and while I disagreed with several of his choices, his logic was hard to argue with. Simmons is a Boston guy, so he naturally treats Larry Bird and Bill Russell like Jesus and Moses, yet he remains as unbiased as possible - aside from his constant shots on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. It's a great book for fans of the game, and judging on it's good sales, there seems to be quite a few. My favorite part of the book? His constant potshots at Karl Malone's inability to be clutch, and Kobe Bryant's ridiculous changes in attitude over the years. It's a great book from a great writer. Check it out.