Halloween (2007)

*****
Three Stars out of Five

This review is about two years too late, as I'm sure anybody who was interested in seeing this movie has seen it by now. The sequel to this is to be released in theaters Friday, though, so I'm reviewing it now, partly because I wanted to re-watch it before seeing the sequel, and partly to drum up support for the sequel as well.


If you don't know by now that this is a remake of the 1978 classic, then get the hell off my site, and stay off. Seriously, if you're not familiar with Michael Meyers (the first slasher in cinemas), then you really shouldn't ever watch a movie ever again. Michael Meyers is one of horror's most famous icons, and for good reason - his creation kickstarted the entire slasher genre. Without him, we probably wouldn't have Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, or Chucky (okay, Chucky is best left forgotten, but still, he owes a debt to Michael Meyers). By extension, we wouldn't have had the gloriously horrid exploitation flicks of the 80's that involved slutty broads and their dipshit boyfriends getting axed in the most ingenious ways possible. That's right, "Halloween" invented the slasher-staple of "If you're a teenager and you smoke pot, have sex, drink alcohol, or mix any of the three acts together, you're gonna die." The original movie, directed by John Carpenter, had Michael Meyers exist as nothing but a relentless killer - a man who's evil couldn't be explained. He was evil because he was evil. As the years have progressed, many fans of the "Halloween" series have taken to calling him "The Shape," simply because he's not really fit for a human name, as he's just evil personified. If Michael Meyers had to fill out an on-line dating form, under activities, all it would say is: "Likes to kill slutty bitches with butcher knife."


The "Halloween" series quickly left behind the originality of the first movie and devolved into one of the worst franchises in mainstream movies. The third one didn't even feature Michael Meyers, rather a plot surrounding witches. Sadly, that's not the worst turn this series took - that belongs to the last movie in the series before it was re-booted. "Halloween: Resurrection" (2002) actually climaxed with Busta Rhymes karate-chopping Michael Meyers' ass all over the place. Seriously. Busta. Rhymes. Karate. Chopping. Michael. Meyers'. Ass. It is that fucking pathetic. I was incredibly happy when I heard not only were they remaking "Halloween," but Rob Zombie was attached to write and direct it.


In 2005, Rob Zombie delivered one of the most disturbing, intense, and engaging horror movies in recent memory in "The Devil's Rejects." He showed he was not only capable of grossing out his audience, but he could also make them feel empathy for the villains committing such horrific acts of violence. Zombie quickly made it clear that he was "re-imagining" the story of Michael Meyers. The term "re-imagining" has become a buzzword among Hollywood types in these times of remakes, so I was a bit skeptical about the new movie, but still knew it would be better than Busta Rhymes playing Van Damme with Michael Meyers' face. Surprisingly, Zombie did just that - he re-imagined Michael Meyers into a more human character, somebody who is just as much a product of his environment as he is sheer, unfiltered evil.


Instead of seeing a young Michael murder his sister for no apparent reason, this movie opens with us seeing a young Michael wearing a clown mask, torturing a dead rat in his bedroom while his dysfunctional family acts incredibly dysfunctional downstairs. His mom (Sheri Moon-Zombie, Rob's wife) is a stripper who is co-habitating with the dickhead Ronnie (a funny William Forsythe). Ronnie ridicules Michael every chance he gets, calling him a "faggot" quite often. Michael's sister is a slut who also treats her brother like shit. While his mom isn't perfect, she at least cares for him and is making an effort to better their position in life. Michael does, however, have a tremendous amount of love for his little sister, Boo, who is only a few months old. Michael's situation at school isn't any better, as he is constantly bullied by upper-classmen, who have an arsenal of insults to throw at Michael considering his mom's a stripper. The school discovers that Michael has been mutilating small rodents and calls his mom into the office to meet with a psychologist, Dr. Samuel Loomis (Malcolm McDowell). Loomis explains that this mutilating is usually a precursor to much more violent activity, and that he would like to meet Michael in hopes of working out his issues. Michael skips out of school and ambushes one of his bullies in the woods, beating him to death with a big stick. That night happens to be Halloween, and with his mom at work, Michael snaps again and kills Ronnie (in pretty gruesome fashion), his slutty sister, and her boyfriend. Along the way, he finds a creepy mask that he decides to adopt. When mom comes home, she's welcomed by three corpses and a son who doesn't seem the least bit upset about his actions.


Michael is shipped off to a mental institution, and he spends the next 15 years in and out of therapy with Dr. Loomis. Michael doesn't utter one word over these 15 years, and Loomis eventually can't take anymore. He tells Michael he can no longer be his doctor, and Michael (now a hulking seven foot man, played by Tyler Mane) stares blankly at him through a papier-mache mask and long, stringy hair. That night just so happens to be October 30, and the hospital just so happens to be shipping Michael to another institution. Michael escapes (gasp!) and immediately heads back to Haddonfield to find his sister (his mom shot herself years earlier due to the stress of having Satan for a son, thus beginning Michael's silent treatment towards the world).

This is about the point in the movie where it starts to more closely resemble the original it was modeled after. Michael rediscovers his old home and mask and begins hunting for his sister. Loomis is hot on his trail, and what follows is pretty standard horror fare, but it's told very briskly and the death scenes are brutal and visceral. Sure, there are plot holes the size of the Octo-Mom's vagina, like how the hell does Michael know Laurie (the awesomely-named Scout Taylor-Compton) is his little sister, but that doesn't really matter in the confines of a horror movie. If a horror movie can keep me on the edge of my seat, I'm more than willing to forgive some plot holes here and there.


Many fans of the series openly loathe Zombie's take on Michael Meyers, but I enjoy it. I figure, if you're going to remake a movie, you might as well make it different enough to justify it's existence. Zombie does that here; he's not concerned with telling the same story, he's concerned with telling his own version of Michael Meyers. I commend Zombie for being ballsy enough to doing something that was obviously going to have it's fair share of detractors. He also does a great job of re-creating the iconic mask that has been so popular for years - it's noticeably more weathered here, and the eyes are even more impossible to see, making Mane's entirely physical performance and Michael really awesome to watch. He's an imposing man, yet there are scenes in the movie where he actually tries to open up to someone, and you can see it in his performance. The most engaging scene in the entire movie - where Michael captures Laurie, and instead of trying to kill her, he offers her his hand - would not be nearly as good if it weren't for the tiny movements Mane makes.

The movie does have some pacing issues, notably in the third act, as it feels unnecessarily padded for time. Some scenes could have been trimmed significantly, and that would have made it a tighter movie altogether. However, it is a fun horror movie that puts a new spin on something old. I'm excited to see where Zombie takes the sequel - based on the trailers, it seems he's really taking it somewhere new - and I don't hesitate to re-watch this movie on a rainy day. Look out for my review of "Halloween 2" on Friday.