Paranormal Activity

*****
Two Stars Out of Five

Every few years or so a new, neat indie horror movie shows up. It ignores the status quo (the torture-porn made famous by the atrocious "Saw" franchise, for example) and there is suddenly a massive groundswell of support in favor of said movie. People proclaim it's the "scariest movie ever," paramedics inexplicably have to show up at screenings to take away some dipshit who can't handle suspense, and in some extreme cases, there are morons who think what they're watching on screen is real. It happened first with "Cannibal Holocaust" in the 80's and was followed up by a bunch of stupid "Faces of Death" crap. The best example of this is of course "The Blair Witch Project," which, for a short time anyway, many believed to be actual unearthed documentary footage of three jackasses attempting to find a witch.

So, it's been exactly 10 years since "The Blair Witch Project" was released, and in that ensuing 10 years, all of the morons who believed it was real must have raised equally moronic children who are stupid and gullible enough to believe that something shown in movie theaters nation-wide could actually show real people being killed by a malevolent and supernatural force. A little over a month ago, I began seeing advertisements for a new movie called "Paranormal Activity." The ads were centered mostly on audience reaction and the above-mentioned paramedic responses necessary for witnessing such a terrifying movie. This instantly led me to believe that, whatever the movie was about, it was going to be crap. I want to see movies, so sell the movie, not audience reaction (incidentally, the best part about seeing the movie in theaters was actually the audience reaction; I heard more prepubescent "Oh, my God" proclamations than one should ever have to endure). I remained cautiously optimistic anyway, since I love horror movies, and I got to see it today. What did I think? Why, read on, of course!

The movie is centered on a mid-20's couple in San Diego. Micah and Katie (played by Micah Sloat and Katie Featherston, respectively) have been co-habitating (probably why they're being haunted, the heathens) and are quite in love. We meet the couple after Micah buys a nifty video camera to chronicle their domestic adventures with the supernatural. Turns out they have been having a few late-night visits by an otherworldly force and Micah is determined to get hard evidence of the occurence. One of the first things they have a psychic stop by to help them out with their problem. The psychic does little to help, simply informing them that they're dealing with a demon - not a ghost - and that he can't do anything for them. Katie does reveal that this isn't the first time she's been messed with by a supernatural force; rather, it's happened several times throughout her life. What follows is a bunch of long nights for Micah and Katie...

The film's writer/director, Oren Peli, made the flick with a paltry $15,000 budget, so it's hard to pick too many nits with the film's problems. It's kind of like picking on the poor kid in school because he's still wearing a Starter pull-over jacket. But I'm a critic, and sometimes I have to be harsh, whether I want to or not. If this was a straight-to-video release, I might not be so rough on it, but considering it was a theatrical release, I have to hold it to a (much) higher standard. The biggest complaint I have with the film concerns the way it's presented to the audience. I don't mind the faux-documentary-style that is becoming more and more prominent in today's multiplexes, but if that's what you're going to do, then get rid of the silly, stupid character moments that don't work and simply present the goods. What worked so well in "Cloverfield," and "Diary of the Dead" just doesn't work as well here because it's a faux-documentary with convenient cuts that create a narrative and flow that really wouldn't be there if it were being filmed in reality. Really, why would you videotape yourself watching and/or listening to footage not you've clearly already witnessed? It unnecessarily pads the film's runtime and just re-shows the audience something they just watch a few minutes earlier.

The ill-advised decisions extend to the characters, as well. These are seriously some stupid fucking people. They do everything you wouldn't do in an event such as this, and it really pulls you out of the movie. It's not like a slasher flick where we expect the characters to behave stupidly and conveniently fall in the woods so the killer can catch up. Nope, this is supposed to be "real," remember? So make the characters behave realistically, not like stock characters in any run-of-the-mill horror movie. They figure out they're dealing with a demon and ignore the psychic's recommendation to call a demonologist. Micah goes out of his way to antagonize the demon by calling it out and trying to communicate with it with a Ouija board - even after he was told not to. Micah argues with Katie not to call the demonologist because it's his house and Katie is "his girl" and he's supposed to "protect her." Really?!?! Of all the times to swing your dick and puff out your chest and be a man, you choose the moment when you're being hunted by a demon? And, of course, the biggest blunder of all is that Katie ignores the first several encounters she's had with the demon - dating back to when she was 8 - and seeks zero help in regards to the matter. Again, it's mind-numbingly stupid, and the decisions the characters make really hurt the film.

But it's a horror movie, right? It's about the scares and not the story, right? Well, that's half-right. A movie like "Friday the 13th" can skate by on stupid characters and minimal plot, but not a movie like this that presents itself as real. But it is still a horror movie, so if the scares are there, it can at least soften the blow made by poor story. Unfortunately, there aren't any real scares in the movie. It's all suspense and build-up with no pay off. It's like getting a really big birthday present and tearing off the pretty and elaborately designed wrapping paper to realize it's just an empty box. There are genuine moments of suspense to be had, but they never really lead to anything memorable. Maybe empty suspense is enough for the youngsters with their damn hip-hop, Hannah Montana, and shiny Ugg boots, but this old fella needs something more substantial.

Arguably the biggest issue of the film is what we learn early on: the demon won't ever leave Katie alone. This is just stupid story-telling, because roughly 15 minutes into the movie, we learn that this isn't going to end well for Katie. The movie removes any sense of conflict for the audience, and it's hard to sustain interest in characters we know are doomed from the get-go. We know Micah and Katie can't get rid of the demon, so what the hell is the point of the damn movie?

Ultimately, it's just too hard to recommend this movie to anybody. I appreciate the effort that the director and cast put forth, and they really did accomplish something by making a successful movie with just $15,000, but it's just not very good. The characters are largely forgettable and stupid, and there is nothing for the audience to get invested in, as we learn early on that there is no way for Katie to rid herself of the demon. In the end, it's just another stupid horror movie that sells itself on audience reactions. Sigh.